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  • Free Forms - Comedy writing contest - Winners 1997
    N tenna I ve ever seen Winners June 1997 Winner 1 from Murdock Mark Mark Murdock at Unisys Com A Another Apple We must be sittin over a mess of MacIntoshes B Yep these days you only find em in schools Winner 2 from Citizen X mwmz at erols com B Catch anything good A Nope hardly any bytes Winner July 1997 Winner 1 from Murdock Mark Mark Murdock at Unisys Com A Stonehendge must have been an ancient computer look a scuzzy port B Of course The ancient Druids must have used rock matrix printers Winner 2 from Steve W stevew5 at ix netcom com B Hey you said we were going to CONEHendge A Oops Winners August 1997 Winner 1 from Gary Cheski cheskig at pizzabox dialogic com A I like your new pet What s his name B I call him Rover He s not trained though He s always sniffing digging and watch out if he lifts up one wheel Winner 2 from Domenic Panetta Domen8r at Uwindsor Ca A Listen up son we don t want them to know there s any intelligence on this planet B Then you better do the talking Dad Honorable mentions From Peter Schooff jacopete at erols com A Well aren t you going to introduce us B Sure Rock meet Roll From Wendy Wally Warwick clown central at sympatico ca A What do I do if it pokes me again B No matter what don t move From Remking at aol com A Whew Guess I won t need that jump start after all the tow truck has finally arrived B Yeah and it only took a few thousand millennium From Domenic Panetta Domen8r at Uwindsor Ca A I told you son no pets B But Dad he followed me home from school his name s Rover Winner September 1997 Winner 1 from Murdock Mark Mark Murdock at Unisys Com A You ve heard of Fall of the House of Usher haven t you B I think so A Well this is Rise of the House of Escher Second prize from Domenic Panetta Domen8r at Uwindsor Ca A Finally man s first perpetual motion machine B No my mother in law s mouth was definitely the first one Winner for October 1997 Text at top of drawing The year 7057 Two archaeologists have just uncovered an artifact from an ancient unknown civilization First prize from Paul Heisel lpheisel at rocketmail com B Hey Maybe if I rub it I ll get three wishes A You could but you d probably just get two and have to drive back to get the other Second prize from Mirko Schulze Ingely Rutten at akn nl A What do you think this is B I don t know maybe it s got something to do with that clown we dug up yesterday Third prize from Robert Palma rpalma at cybernex net A Oh boy After all these centuries Is this what I think

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  • Free Forms - Comedy writing contest - Winners 1998
    didn t order soup with these flys Winner March 1998 First Pize From Jenny Broe Jenny Broe at gte net A Now that s an accurate throw B Yeah they must have used a smart pie Second Pize From Gary Cheski garyc at hotmail com A I did hear that he and his wife were having marital problems B Now I understand what he meant when he said that his wife desserted him Third Pize From Domenic Panetta domen8r at uwindsor ca B Oh My Poor Mr Higgins there seems to be a digruntled employee in the Baking Department A At least its not as bad as the time there was that digruntled employee in the Natural Fertilizer Department Winner April 1998 First Prize From Matthew Bunnell MBUNNELL at saatchiny com A I tell you this love affair with the Titanic movie just never ceases to amaze me B Yarr but if I hear one more wiseguy yell Iceberg right ahead I m gonna jump ship Second Prize From Jenny Broe Jenny Broe at gte net A I m so glad you changed the in ferry movie to Titanic B Yeah it sure beats last week s Full Monty Third Prize From Domenic Panetta domen8r at uwindsor ca A Look at her I can t believe how much everyone s been affected by that there Titanic Movie B Yes what a shame By the way have I explained to you why this here Snake River Ferry is Unsinkable Sorry no winners for the month of May or June The same cartoon used for May was carried over into June Please try again Winner July 1998 First Prize From Geneviève Parent genevieve parent at statcan ca B You re just jealous because I m thinner and I get to go places all the time A Sure I d love to be carried around in a fat businessman s backpocket all day Second Prize From Sonia Logue slogue at netinc ca B Gee Grampa tell me more about the olden days A Well I d love to son But it s gettin late and your batteries are runnin down besides my Rotor is killin me Third Prize From Ohiohealth SIMST at ohiohealth com A Wow These humans sure have gotten lazy over the years B Yeah I know just think before me all they could do was sit and talk Because of technical difficulties we were unable to publish the August winner or the September cartoon For this reason we are awarding August and September together Winners August and September 1998 First Prize From Gene Poore winpoo at onslowonline net A South Harry South We go South to the breeding grounds B I know I know I forgot my Viagra Second Prize From April Walker apwalker at flash net A Compass broke B Nope I left my wallet sitting on the bar Winners October 1998 First Prize From cluesew at earthlink net A Just in time for the dog and frisbee contest

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  • Free Forms - Comedy writing contest - Winners 1999
    of primitive computer peripheral Second prize From Scott Hillstrom scotth at ameritrain com A What do think killed this one B All that y2k stuff we keep finding must ve been a large meteor that hit Winners July 1999 Sign on the door Patent Office First prize From Aaron Gootee Gixxr at Prodigy net A thus transferring the molecular molecules into sub particles B Mine just makes coffee Second prize From BRAISCO at aol com A Amazing we came up with the same device I always wanted to invent something for the betterment of mankind B Not me I was just trying to rig something to get free HBO Third prize From Jason Tanamor jaytanamor at yahoo com A It s the new wave in telecommunications Video conferencing B So let me get this straight we pull until the string gets tight and I can see you Honorable mention From Colleen A Kelley Rascal43 at aol com A Mine is the latest in high tech kitchen gadgetry B Yes but is it Y2K compatible like mine is Winners August 1999 First Prize From Jeffery E Kitchell jekitchell at caltel com A You know I can t get used to that beep either Second Prize From Aaron Gootee Gixxr at Prodigy net A Ya know Reginal I kind of miss old clock B Yeah but the old clock wasn t submersible to 300 meters Third Prize From Citizen X mwmz at erols com A First the Euro Dollar now this B And it s not even Y2K compliant Honorable mention From David Ledden ledden at ccp com A I see that the Japanese have finally purchased Big Ben B Yeah a digital read out But you would have thought they d make it smaller Winner September 1999 First Prize From Lori and Burt LL774 at aol com A Yes They have cheese on their salad bar B Hold on Why would a place called Kitty s all you can eat only serve cheese on their buffet Second Prize From Carla Swanson Riehl riehldeal at earthlink net B For God s sake man do you not remember what I told you about seeing the forest through the trees A Yeah Einstein I was just about to flip that trap over causing it to snap so as to free that piece of cheese right there seeing as we haven t eaten in three days but no you re more worried about forests and trees and why a chair is a chair and not a table Third Prize From Stickgrl77 at aol com A Just lemme have the cheese Bob B Agnes remember sigh Your lactose intolerance always gets you into trouble Honorable mention From PMorri5044 at aol com A This is so romantic we re all alone your wife is away B Wait How come she didn t leave dinner in the regular china I think she is starting to get suspicious Honorable mention From Brian Carberry JBCar1996 at aol com A Great

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  • Free Forms - Comedy writing contest - Winners 2000
    Bill Powell bpowell at tntc com A I m thinking of spawning Care to join me B What and give up all this Honorable mention From Lorraine James bjames1 at bellsouth net at mail mia bellsouth net A Would you look at that B Yeah now we have to worry about Athlete s Fin on top of everything else Honorable mention From Luke Stryker lukestryker at hotmail com A So what do you think of this blending of pro bass fishing and NASCAR like sponsoring B Well they really should relocate the pit area Honorable mention From Daniel Kirk dotburger at email msn com A Thank goodness all these vile pollutants are strong enough to neutralize that mans pungent foot odor B Say I think that s Jimmy Hoffa Winners June 2000 Text on building Channel 6 Weather Center First prize From Rusty5278 at cs com B I can t believe it look at the sky A I know one of my weather predictions came true Second prize From Danny Cox Rusty5278 at cs com B This is what happens when things inbreed A How was I supposed to know that El Niñe and La Niña were related Third prize From HHa9757839 at aol com B Good job doing the weather today Jack A I just peed on the barometer Honorable mention From Yinka Orafiidya YOrafid at MCCUS JNJ com A Aren t you glad to finally be starting your vacation B Yeah but I can t believe it s going to coincide with this Apocalypse thing Honorable mention From Robbie Bossert Pix1bc at aol com A Well Bob It looks like we got a 50 50 shot at callin this one B I ve heard that before Honorable mention From Bill Sawyer billsawyer at uswest net A They said I m crazy then fired me after ten years of doing the weather B When it rains it pours Winners July 2000 First prize From Michael E Deffet mdeffet at prodigy net A ACTION B If he does that one more time I m going to outline all of the animated characters in black and make them walk funny Second prize From Mike Rawson GaGaGaggle at aol com A I thought you said that this new technology included voice recognition It will not take the simplest of instructions B It does understand but it recognizes that you are shouting and it does not like that but of course if you were to apologize to it Third prize From b fager at worldnet att net A Cut Drag Paste Now drag the color icon with steaming passion B I should of become an actor Honorable mention From Tim Murphy tmjc1 at email msn com A If I wanted someone to watch t v all day I would have hired one of my kids Now start editing those scenes that I gave you Honorable mention From Scott Jones scottzilla at home com A I need the star to be more realistic B

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  • Free Forms - Comedy writing contest - Winners 2001
    wait next week the tomatoes are starting to get ripe Honorable mention From Veronica Clay veronicaclay at hotmail com B Your father He grabbed the gumbo instead of the chum for his deep sea fishing trip I knew I should have labeled them more clearly A I can t feel my legs Honorable mention From Rebecca Maness rbmaness at earthlink net B This soup is from an old family recipe A The Adams family Honorable mention From Kathy Learning klearning at home com B Look sweetie your favorite soup again A O K that s it Mom we re calling the Kraft recipe help line NOW Honorable mention From Carlos Esparza cesparza1 at austin rr com A We sure have been eating a lot of soup lately B That is because your father started day trading Honorable mention From Jason Torchio jtorchio at MetLife com A MOM Is this rabbit stew B Come now honey you didn t REALLY think we d be keeping your pet bunny forever did you Honorable mention From Aloha Cat alohacat at mindspring com A Look There are two bunny rabbit ears coming out of my soup B Are you saying there is a hare in your soup Honorable mention From Qi Liu qiliu1 at juno com A Mom your soup as usual is too diluted B Oh dear then pour some of the water out Winners June 2001 First Prize From Joe Seitz dittoditto212 at msn com A Is he always this playful B When your name is Milton Bradley you can get away with it Second Prize From Mike Hartz mchartz at hotmail com A Larry seems to be taking his lay off pretty well B Yeah I think attaching the pink slip to a new scooter really helps By the way do you see yourself as more of a chrome guy or flat black Third Prize From Gary Cheski garyc at hotmail com B Do you think you re a qualified applicant for this position A Well I might be OVERqualified I crossed the street all by myself to get here and didn t wet the bed last night Honorable mention From Tajuana West aw at webzone net A I m sorry I m late for my interview but some bald moron just tried to run me over with his Uh B Don t worry I don t think you ll get the job anyway Honorable mention From Mark Santora msan at bellatlantic net A Darlene I ve never seen Mr Johnson so happy What s he doing B Trying out your new company car Honorable mention From Eileen Nolton ENolton at msn com A Excuse me Miss is the President available to meet with me B Um Define available Honorable mention From Benjamin Cobb Bencruz76 at msn com A What happened to Mr Johnson s limo B Down Sizing Honorable mention From Dave Minor dave at progressivepi com A Here s my resume Uhhh What type of products do you sell B Pharmaceuticals and we re proud to say we do not test our products on animals Winners July 2001 Difficult shot Note The golfer has just found his golf ball resting on the snout of an alligator First Prize From Jay Todtman jaynt at optonline net A Did you know that Hogan designed this course B Really Ben or Paul Second Prize From Joe Seitz dittoditto212 at msn com A Well B This course gives new meaning to the phrase golf widow Third Prize From Stephen Rosston srosston at hotmail com B Hey Just what kind of a handicap is this A When we made our bet we agreed that I can use all of the gator aid I wanted Honorable mention From J Skeeler jskeeler at sympatico ca A Can you play it where it lies B Sure just bring a dead chicken with my pitching wedge Honorable mention From Kathy Learning klearning at home com A Well did you find it yet B Hey Stan I think I m going to take that mulligan right now Honorable mention From Dawn Bailey baileysbakeacake at msn com A The looser buys lunch today B Looks like you re eating alone Honorable mention From Steve stevemw at optonline net A Why would you need my sand wedge B I said your sandwich Honorable mention From G Folsom gf899 at hotmail com B I am going to need my AK47 iron Charlie A Honorable mention From Princesa Mulan PrincesaMulan at cs com A Have I ever told you how my uncle Wilson lost his right arm B I don t think this is a good time Honorable mention From Ian Kent iank at canada com A Need a hand B Well I might in a minute Honorable mention From Kathy Learning klearning at home com A So Pete how are you gonna play your ball B It s going to cost me either one stroke or an arm Honorable mention From Joe Seitz dittoditto212 at msn com A Tickle his belly until you gain his affection Then rub his nose until you have his confidence Then pat his head until you have his trust Then massage his snout until you gain his loyalty B Couldn t I just play with another ball Winners August 2001 2001 First Prize From Tom Banks tom banks at prudential com B Well I don t care what it means If I dig one more bone out of the filter those monkeys are history Second Prize From Todd J Hollon hollon at together net A You know the monolith from 2001 A Space Odyssey B Yeah he s an out of work actor who likes to drop in use the pool and get free lunches Third Prize From Naomi Catalina timestay at concentric net A Well do something you Shmuck B I thought there was something strangely primitive about those A C Clark pool repair people Honorable mention From Jay Todtman jaynt at optonline net B I

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  • Free Forms - Comedy writing contest - Winners 2002
    figured out how to get it outside B Sure As soon as I m done building the boat I ll start on the slip Third Prize From Bob Williams candide at yahoo com A FedEx just dropped off a HUGE package for you B Oh now how am I going to get that bottle in here Honorable mention From Judy Moran jeffnjudy01 at msn com A Alright Capt Hazelwood now what are you going to do B I ll just fill the basement with water and then catch a southwest wind in the kitchen Honorable mention From Kelly Eve Hart kicks41 at juno com A Honey there s a bunch of animals upstairs to see you B Send them down two by two Oh and pack enough food for forty days and nights Honorable mention From Trevor Bartlett TBartlett at porterfulfillment com A So what happens now B Don t worry darling I m going to put it in a bottle Honorable mention From Tony Stone stoneguy at bellsouth net A It s bad enough that we have a boat in the basement but now the mast is in the living room B Oh just put a shade on top of it and tell everyone it s a lamp Winners May 2002 First Prize From jsviolett at msn com B Go ahead man Ask them A Hey over here Hi My friend and I kind a have a small problem I don t suppose by any chance you guys have an extra role of TP on that thing do ya Second Prize From Rich Schiffer gratefuldead233 at hotmail com A They say they re looking for intelligent life here on Earth B Oh that s too bad we still use Windows Third Prize From Michael DePaolo mike7596 at tampabay rr com B Are those the new Double Apple Byte computers A Nope just interstellar semicircle men with square heads that are analyzing our atmosphere for the most efficient and bloody way to wipe all life off of the planet But hey at least it s not another iMac Honorable mention From Frank Honzu Honz5 at aol com A Good Heavens What do you think they are Bob B Rear view mirrors from outer space Jim And they re definitely as close as they appear Winners June 2002 First Prize From Kelsy Schneiter kschneiter at cc usu edu A Honey what happened to my priceless collection of Queen B from the other room It wasn t priceless I had to pay the garbage men 20 to take it away Second Prize From Frank Honzu HONZ5 at aol com A Ethel Where s my Beetles White collector s album B Oh You never played that old thing anyway and Martha Stewart showed how to oven heat records and make fruit bowls Third Prize From Paul Stadden ken at stadden com A Honey where s my record of the All Cat s Chorus version of Jingle Bells B Must be halfway to the landfill by now Honorable mention From Kevin Gianni A Honey whaddya think we get rid of these records and hop into the 21st century B You should watch what you ask for Bill they aren t the only things around here that are getting old heavy and take up too much space Honorable mention From JBAP8375 at gc peachnet edu A Honey do you think its time for us to get a CD player like everyone else B Oh is the record player not working Try the 8 track in the den Honorable mention From Christine Graham rodgraham at shaw ca A As soon as you re out of the bathroom I ll play you my Greatest Hits from the Bicycle Horn Ensemble album B Gee Stan I m gonna be awhile Why don t you start without me Honorable mention From Rich Remick rjrem at clear lakes com A Honey I ve got a sudden urge to play my old polka records Is that okay B Sure I ve just got the urge to pack some clothes and drive to a motel Winners July 2002 Situation the newspaper advertisements are animated just like the banner ads in internet First Prize From Diane me2u7777 at yahoo com A Didn t they send a special mouse with our paper this morning dear B No dear just a bottle of white out virus scissors and form for us to secretly change our name and address Second Prize From Andrew Hamilton hjakeh at msn com A Gee now they have banner ads in newspapers B At least there s no pop ups Third Prize From HONZ5 at aol com B What s that you re reading dear A It s a brand new newspaper published by Bill Gates Honorable mention From Unknown B Honey are you sure we need to get the Microsoft Daily News delivered here every day It costs 600 a month A Yes but its easier than using the computer and look I still get all the unwanted advertisements Honorable mention From Milo Hart miloh59 at cs com B So how do you like my idea of incorporating modern technology with the old fashion feel of newspapers A I like that fine but I don t know about combining the modern mouse with the traditional one It seems to have just clicked all the cheese off my omelet Honorable mention From Business only me2u7777 at yahoo com A George honey what IS this B I hope you like it dear you said you ve been wanting a laptop and this was the best deal I could find so Happy Anniversary Winners August 2002 Situation there is a fly in the soup First Prize From Chris Cary dlncfc at hotmail com A Dear God waiter what is this fly doing in my soup B Well sir I m not a swimmer myself but it looks like the back stroke Second Prize From Rich Remick rjrem at clear lakes com A Is

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  • Free Forms - Comedy writing contest - Winners 2003
    on the wrong side of the wire Honorable mention From Jim Biller millerja at rtccom net A What s a matter Rockin Robin B Good thing that s not Droppings Darrell Honorable mention From Dan Davis davisdan at chacousa com A Hey buddy you aren t supposed to do that upside down B That s gonna itch when it dries Winners June 2003 First Prize From Suzi Kirby suzik at ntelos net A Well Winston ole man how do you bloody like the bloody changing face of time B I don t bloody like it at all but it does cut through the bloody fog like Rudolph s bloody nose A You re bloody well right about that Second Prize From Ryan Bonnick ryanbonnick at hotmail com A Did you notice anything different about our Historic National Monument B Yeah it s 2 minutes slow Third Prize From Jim Miller millerja at rtccom net A Look at the clock s new numbering system B The Roman s are NOT going to like this Honorable mention From Dustin Chafin NYCjester at aol com A Nobody cares about classic architecture B I don t care about that I m just waiting for the temperature Honorable mention From Dolynchmob at aol com A To make Big Ben digital because one American can t tell time is a bit extreme don t you think B Well he is their president A I suppose Honorable mention From Michael J Bannasch mjbannasch at ucdavis edu A Thank goodness I thought that thing was gonna flash 12 00 for the rest of eternity How d he finally do it B Clever bloke he invited the elementary school to come on a field trip and had one of the second graders set it Honorable mention From Jason Hiatt jasondavidhiatt at hotmail com A How in the world could they do that B With a very very large battery Winners July 2003 Text on image The year 8499 Two archaeologists unearth yet another of those strange beige objects with long tails First Prize From Dustin Chafin NYCjester at aol com A Before the eyeball computer one had to operate a computer by clicking this device with one finger B How primitive and we complain about having to blink 3 times to connect to AOL Second Prize From Max G Greenshields gree21 at fsuimail ferris edu B I wonder what these were used for A My guess is reproduction considering all the traces male DNA we have found on these things Third Prize From Doug Stough dstough2 at earthlink net A What on earth do you figure this darn thing is B I have absolutely know idea Let s jet pack back to the lab and run a computer analyses Honorable mention From JLYNCH919 at aol com A Dude your getting a Dell B It s almost the 86th century don t you think that joke is a little old Honorable mention From Tim McDevitt TMcDevitt at cantor com A

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  • Free Forms - Comedy writing contest - Winners 2004
    baby to me I sold one just like it last week I mean what are the odds A The odds are not looking good John The owner is inside looking for YOU Honorable Mention From Kris Prasada KPrasada at rand com A Is it true that you offer financing to people with bad credit B Yes we do But please remember that Superman works in our collection department Honorable Mention From Nick Wertz wizzertz1 at hotmail com B You have any serious offers for this car yet A Yep Captain America is gonna give us 15K but he wants those obnoxious fins taken off first Winners July 2004 The old arriving home late excuse First Prize From Dan Lynch Dolynchmob at aol com B Lemme guess Aliens again right A Damn aliens honey abducting me every Friday night B I happened to see you and your alien buddies at O Malley s for happy hour today and they may no longer use my Ford Escort as their mother ship home Second Prize From Alex Kaseberg lexkase at san rr com A I would have been home sooner but I was looking for weapons of mass destruction Third Prize Suzi Kirby suzik at ntelos net A Darling would you believe I ve been trying to unlock this door since 8 30 B Would you believe I m really making you biscuits Honorable Mention From Dan Lynch Dolynchmob at aol com A Sorry I m late honey Mr Smith was happy about my production this month so he took me out for some drinks B Oh yea Then why do you have that big hickey on your neck A Oh that Yea I guess Mr Smith was very happy about my production this month Honorable Mention From METKING31 at aol com A Okay honey I won t lie to you The reason I m late is because I m Batman Winners August 2004 First Prize From Dan Lynch Dolynchmob at aol com B You have a good point your car was rated 1 in in safety by car and driver magazine but you fail to acknowledge my point A I know honey Chicks dig red hummers Second Prize From Suzi Kirby suzik at ntelos net B Where s your sense of adventure excitement surprise A I lost it last week at the pump Third Prize From Gina quartermaine at juno com A But Honey we need a practical car B But this car practically feeds my ego Honorable Mention From Edward Huizinga Edward Huizinga at transamerica com A But mine s so cute B Let s get both and use yours as a spare tire Honorable Mention From Dan Lynch Dolynchmob at aol com A This car s better on gas B Well this is armor plated and I need to feel protected from the dangers that threaten our very existence A I told you the Wilson s keep their cat indoors now honey Winner September 2004 The book cover says THE

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